I Can’t Write.

I used to write because I couldn’t not write. I had to express myself to the world. I had to get my heart on the page. I had to connect with some deeper part of myself that I couldn’t access unless I wrote it down.

I didn’t write for fun or for a career path or because I was good at it. I wrote for survival. I wrote to get my insides onto my outsides and connect with the world in a way that I otherwise couldn’t.

When I put my pen to paper, magic would flow. Something came through me that I didn’t fully understand and I connected to a deeper part of me and therefore of me to others.

But lately, it feels like those abilities are gone. I don’t feel the overwhelming urge to write and when I finish writing I don’t feel the overwhelming feeling of connection.

I’ve tried everything- medications, diets, writing consistently. And it's just gone. My ability to connect is just gone.

So I sit here staring at a blank page. With a blinking curser staring back at me and a small tear forming in the corner of my eye.

What am I supposed to do?

What would God like me to do?

If I can’t connect to myself and the world around me, how am I supposed to live?

If I can’t connect to myself and the world around me, how am I supposed to fulfill my purpose?

If I can’t connect to myself and the world around me, how am I supposed to get out of bed in the morning?